A friend told me that "just by being here, you've changed". She's right. I'm more resilient than I've ever been. I've taken more chances. I've fallen a few times and have sprung back stronger. It surprises me how independent I've become also.
Coming from a traditional and typical Asian background, I never really lived away from home until one month before I got married (eloped). And as luck would have it, I only moved ten miles away from my family. Fast forward to November 2012 and finding out that we are moving across an ocean, I had a lot of anxiety built up. I've been extremely dependent on my family and Hubs up to that point in my life. What was I going to do without my mom and sister by my side? I was starting to regret not learning a lot of my mom's traditional Taiwanese dishes. And who was going to make homemade chicken soup for me and drive it over when I'm ill (willingly without me asking)? Those who know me well know that I'm a constant worrier.
In the past four months, I've had a few breakdowns of wanting to go back to the familiar. Back to the life I had built in the last 30 years. Back to my family who I miss terribly. But then I have days like today, where I'm out with a friend and have a sense of normalcy for a few hours. It's days like today that I spring back up and feel like I can continue to endure and embrace this new life I have. This new beginning that I am so privileged to have.
Most people would love to hit that "start over" button. However, hitting that "start over" button is a huge uphill battle. And from what I've been told, we haven't gotten to our lowest point. Usually that happens at the six month mark. I hope it's brought on full force, because it will really test the resiliency that I've built up. Will I buckle? Or, will I just pick myself back up and carry on like the last couple times? Only time will tell...